Forwards from Grandparents

In my family, the emails from the elder generations differ greatly. My grandma (my Mom’s mom) is articulate, artsy, and kooky. To my lovely Grandmother, every day is a stage in need of song, dance, and music (she explains my mom…sort of). Alternatively, my Grandpa (my Dad’s dad) is a nicer version of Archie Bunker–a gruff, blue collared, union loving, Korean War Vet with a keen eye for a dirty joke. As you can see, these two are very different people.

With that said, I thought it’d be worth starting a series that  compared the emails I get from my Grandma B and my Grandpa A.

Let’s see what’s happening with Grandma first:

Tuesday’s Goodnight

My morning was routine and included breakfast, pills, devotion, and an average session of Current Events.

…

I dined with my usual friends at supper tonight and watched the news on a TV where friends share the time together before coming to the apartment and writing this letter.

…

Sleep tight, everyone!

With all my love, B/Mom/GrandmaB/Great-GrandmaB et al…….

Well said, Grandma. Grandpa, what say you?

 

[NO SUBJECT LINE]

Note that there was no message whatsoever. He wants to get you right to the EPIC punchline.

The next email features my dear Grandpa B. Hit it, Grandma!

Wednesday’s Goodnight

Our day was crazy.  Absolutely crazy!

When we were getting ready to leave our apartment for breakfast, Grandpa B told me, “I do not have my keys.”  I returned to his bedroom and searched and searched.  No keys.  I asked, “Where is your wallet?”  That, too, was not to be found.  “Do you remember bringing your wallet and keys back from the park concert?”  “I don’t know.”  Neither of us could remember seeing or putting away Grandpa B’s keys or wallet.

[A detailed discussion of all the other exciting happenings of the day. I think I know from whom I get my affinity for writing. Do you?]

Well, we watched a rerun of the Twins afternoon game and eventually Grandpa B started dressing for going to bed.  “B!”, he called from the bathroom.  “Come here!”  I went in there and, at this moment, did not know whether to laugh or cry?!  THERE, INSIDE HIS SHOES HE HAD WORN ALL DAY WERE THE MISSING PIECES!!!  One shoe had the wallet and one shoe had the keys.  How can that be?  How could he walk around all day with objects like that in his shoes? How could he put his feet into shoes with such pieces?   I did not know whether to laugh or cry!

Well, tomorrow I hope the policeman and Clara in the office can laugh at the tale’s ending!

And I really have little else to say.  May we all sleep tight!

With all my love, B/Mom/GrandmaB

 

Grandma, that was crazy story! Grandpa, what happened in your life?

[NO SUBJECT LINE]

Please insert my loud, mocking laughter, right here. Still going. Still going. Still going. Okay, I’m done.

Okay, at this time I should tell you that my dear grandmother sends out a twice-daily family newsletter. I end up skimming a lot. This woman is eighty and she writes WAY more than I do. Props, Grandma.

What’s going on, Today?

Monday’s Goodnight

[Mark’s Uncle] called tonight and wished me good things for this holiday we celebrate today.  We had a nice chat!

[lengthy email explaining almost every breath of the day]

Holy cow!  I just received a letter from [Mark’s Great Uncle]!  I shall put that on a separate piece of paper from this chatting.

With all my love, B/Mom/GrandmaB/Great-GrandmaB/Friend/Cousin etc

Such a fantastic day. All I did was watch a Jersey Shore marathon and drink cheap rum mojitos. Who felt better in the morning? Grandma, that’s who.

Grandpa, what’s up?

[NO SUBJECT LINE]

It should be noted that I love both of these people. Each has had a great impact on my life and I owe a great deal to each, on many fronts. With that said, this may or may not become a recurring series, because I enjoyed this compare and contrast very much.

That’s all for now. College Party 2 is tomorrow. If you hear about a man being arrested in the Capital Hill neighborhood of DC, assume that I was home sleeping…but keep in the back of your head me staring into a camera and yelling “YOU WON’T TAKE ME WITH CLOTHES ON, COPPERS. HAHAHAHA.” Shortly after, I’ll be tackled by a hoard of baton wielding riot police. The point is, whatever you see, Grandma, it’ wasn’t me, okay? Just keep that in the back of your head. That was all a dream.

Grandpa, virtual high-five. You taught me well.

P.S. I found this image searching for “Grandma.”

RIP, Grandpa B. Love you.