Facebook Etiquette #14: Wall vs. Inbox

General Rules of Thumb:

• Inbox Message=whisper in someone’s ear.
• Wall Message= More intrusive. It’s like someone on a bullhorn shouting “MY FACEBOOK FRIEND, [insert your name, address, and telephone number], HAS A MYSTERIOUS RASH ON HIS/HER GENITALIA.” Don’t forget that a news crew is nearby filming. And the video becomes a viral hit on YouTube that gets more hits than both “Charlie Bit Me“, “Star Wars Kid“, and the “Is this Real Life?” kid.

Do you see the problem? Broadcasted personal discussions. I don’t think this needs much more discussion…but I’m going to because it’s St. Patrick’s Day and I can’t justify drinking by myself at 11am on a Thursday.

With that said…

Stop posting Inbox worthy messages on people’s wall. There is potential for embarrassment for both you and your friends…but also your family.

Consider this scenario:

You went to sleep and your best friend and roommate, Captain Commando, went to the bar. While a little tipsy, Captain Commando decides to whip his hip smartphone out and share a little diddy on your Facebook wall. Examples:

Good share, dude. And why the quotes?

Or…

Friend: Why would his mom care?

Or…

 

Better call a lawyer

Or…

 

I have no idea what that means, but it looks like he shit his pants and is attracted to me

 

 

Turns out, Mom is friends with Captain Commando (Captain Commando friended her thinking it’d be funny <–not cool), so everything Captain Commando posts on your wall also gets posted on Mom’s newsfeed (depending on your settings). SWEET, right?

Well, last night, your mom was up late because the Hallmark Channel had a Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman marathon–and, don’t forget, you set up “those wireless interwebs” for her, so she’s wired in while watching a shirtless Sully in pursuit of the evil Comanche bandits. During a commercial she looks down to see one of the above posts from Captain Commando. She has so many questions:

Why is my son so in to dancing? Why would he kill defenseless children? Why does he touch his roommate affectionately? Good questions, Mom. She looks at the clock. Damn. It’s too late to call and ask him for answers, so she comments on Captain Commando’s wall post:

Captain Commandos wall post has now become infamous. Anyone that is friends with Mom will now see this on their newsfeed and all your friends will see it too. Busted…like this guy:

 

Anyway, the next morning you oversleep. In your panic, you leave your smart phone at home. You get to work and it’s chaotic. Also, you can’t check Facebook on your work computer because you’re not authorized (but you can do all the LinkIn’ing you want. Snoring sound).

You actually don’t end up seeing the wall post until 6pm that night (because you are not friends with your co-workers. Gross.). Plus, because you left your phone at home, you didn’t get any of the texts from your brother, which said something like “Dude, you need to erase that shit from your wall. Mom thinks you’re gay…well, gayer.”

So, you get home, put a Hot Pocket in the microwave, and you fire up the laptop. You login to Facebook, of course….and…what’s this?  THIRTY-SEVEN notifications?! Okay. Okay. No reason to be alarmed. Somebody probably just tagged me in A “Brett Michaels is my father,” group. Right?

Nope. “Captain Commando and 36 others liked your wall post.” Oh and one person commented: Mom.

Fuck. Now your mom knows that you’re a child killer and have a gentle caress. You wanted to tell her more subtly than this. Your pride is gone.

Now that I have made you sufficiently paranoid about what could happen to you if you choose not to go out drinking with your friends–what can you do to prevent Captain Commando’s comment crimes:

Easy: Account–>Privacy Settings–>Customize Settings–>Can See Wall Posts By Friends (scroll down)

As for me, I just don’t friend my mom on Facebook. It avoids a lot of awkward discussions about my interests.

That’s it. Happy St. Patty’s Day. If you have it in you, ask the bartender for a Truck Bomb. Also, if you filled out a bracket, GOooooooooooo Northern Colorado. –Mark

P.S. Two things:

I found this searching for “Awkward Mom”

…and in case you missed a bully in Australia get his ass kicked: